Spinning

What to do with a life that is continuously spinning...

No matter how the dice lands it seems that life keeps on going even if for a brief moment you just need to breathe. To have the spinning stop so that the circular movement can reach you in a straight line.

Nothing can be simple and faith is grown in chaos. I am not sure what part of life I am spinning in now...it just won't stop and let me take it in. I want to enjoy the moments that make smile...I want this life to make sense.

I want my heart to find the desires that it longs to embrace. I want to be happy...genuinely happy. I am tired and weary and at times wonder if this is all worth it...waiting, wishing, and hoping....for the life that I wish was before me. The life that seems to have fallen into the path of many others. I don't understand the reasons for my path...I wish clarity would scream and capture my heart. I wish the shutter slide moments would catch up to lens of my eye. I wish that time would stop and in that moment I would feel a rush of wind and sense beauty in a way that I have never experienced it before. I wish the life of spinning would create a magical sensation that would allow my spirit to fly. I wish that the movement of this spinning cyclone would transition me into another world.

At times I think that life could have collapsed and things would still keep spinning. I need a moment where I can stand still and feel the wind on my face...instead of always at my back. I need a break...something that clearly states...the spinning has a fate...

I See Moments...

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt


Honestly, change has been all around the last few years. I have been truly searching why so much change has occurred within my life. The questions constitute daily within my heart and mind. I wonder what is it that I am being taught. Why must the pain afflict upon my spirit so often and leave me alone. I am not sure why life has gravitated toward me the way that it has, but there have been moments when I reflect upon the magic of it all...I see a change...that was brought about to form who I am and for me to believe in the person I have become. I see moments of destiny along the path...and moments of true friendship. I see moments of purpose...I see moments of enlightening truth...I see moments of courage...I see moments of honesty...I see moments of becoming...I see moments of loss...I see moments of validity...and then there are moments where I see myself. Who I have become...what my character represents. It's a question that sparked many years ago...and left me wondering when I would look at myself and see the character that I possess. I am not sure why right now in this moment...life is changing...as I know...it has changed. Everything that happened to make me question everything that I was...was nothing the but the mere affect of me learning who I am...what my character represents. Along the way...there were people predestined within this path to allow me to embrace the character that was masked. I know that there are ones who were touched by the grace of God among that path. I am grateful for those moments of genuineness. It has been a journey...one that only could be written by a hand so much greater than my own...He created my character...gave me hope...and is writing me a story...in it all...I found me....my character. When I imagine the bright star shining...and life simply fading...I grasp those moments...where my character was a being molded and refined for the beauty to reflect in others.

What a journey...lives touched...moments embraced without reasoning...life questioned....all to show me...that the change...was all about shaping who I am and giving my character purpose to shine.

Tapestries of Hope

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

--Pericles

This quote resonated with me today in a way that allowed my heart to flourish. I recently have left behind a part of my life that maybe wasn't meant to be left behind. I am slowly but surely realizing that what was left behind may have been just the thread weaving a pattern that allowed the lives of others to cross stitches. It is never easy leaving a path, that was not even clear while one was walking it. Over the course of the last year...again...my heart and soul question the woven texture of the fabric that directed the way.

Then there is the clay...which symbolizes the way that we are molded. It takes precision to mold the perfect coffee mug...and trust that it delicacy will shine through it's perfect rough edges. Then again the rough edges tell a story of their own...it states that though it is delicate, it could weather the storms and create a character all of it's own.

In these moments, I find myself bypassing the delicate side of life...to become involved with the character that is captured by the rough edges that encompass the growth of our lives.

Each one of us has a pattern that is woven to perfection. There may be tattered or frayed edges , but the pattern in the center never changes, nor the stitches that were crossed come undone. The effect that something or someone has upon one isn't always about our growth, but theirs. We are people weaving tapestries of hope to those who are refined and full of life, so that once the tapestry is complete the lives woven together are not left behind...but apart of the wheel of faith that keep the thread spinning.

When the life of one closes or a chapter in life is left behind ...the tapestry of their life continues because the threads of their soul are woven within you.

Little Bits of New...

Lately, it has been little bits of new mixed with little bits of old. Not sure as to why this has occurred but little by little I am concluding that I am enjoying the little bits of new. New things can be exciting, fresh, bright and happy. They can also be very scary... the fear of the unknown. I have to admit as of late...the latter has been filling my heart with worries. Just trying to figure it out...wondering if the little bits of new will one day become little bits of old.

I didn't think that I would miss the old as I have, and I surely didn't want to embrace the new so freely...but the new seems to have embraced me. I miss the old smiles and friendly atmosphere of those who were in my path...the new has become the same....smiles to make me happy and friendly people all around. I am getting used to letting go of the little bits of old...to accept the little bits of new...

Enlighten the heart of my soul to embrace the little bits of new...to encompass the inspiration of the little bits of old.

The little bits of old...share a beauty with the little bits of new.

Time and Chance

The race is not to the swift, or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise, or wealth to the brilliant, or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Ecclesiastes 9:11 Life happens to be all about time and chance opportunities. It is what we do with these opportunities that enhances our beauty in life.

Shadow Love

The pressures of everyday life sink in. Realizations of what life is all about connect with the dreams of what life could be. Stopped in a crossraod, perplexed by which way to turn. Trusting in my Spirit that decisions will not fault. Fears diverged with the reality of work, and hopes of a better life are the result. Not sure, how to make it through, just focusing on the ever so winding clues. Knowing that all is for good...and that good comes from love. I wonder why love is so hard to express...and why it embraces my heart to confess? I have found my soul battling a profound desire of trust. Strengthened by pass losses, and weakend by the slow advances. Wishing that sounds of Hope would leap forward with forces of never ending strength. Sounds of Hope...Shine Light...Send Grace...Shadow Love.

Light of Love

Every dark road has a light that eventually appears. Sometimes one must walk in the dark for days, months, even years before they see a glimpse of the light. But once the glimpse is in view...the road left behind doesn't seem as important as it was when one was walking it. The glimpse broadens and is now a shining light of hope. It's the light that brightens the day and allows one to fully embrace the humanness of life. To walk a long, dark road can be filled with strife and hardship. One has to continue because the light calls out their name. For when the light speaks, one must obey. When one obeys they have hope that bridges the gap that allows the light to expand and show them a greater thing about life...which ultimately leads to love. Without ever embracing the dark....one could never triumph in the light...and feel the joy that surrounds the heart. It is a gift that comes from above...a story that is written with love. To whomever reads: There is a story for you. One that radiates a light of love. It sings a joyous tune and fills the heart with many songs. It speaks of hope and allows love to call out your name.

Epiphany

Art is an epiphany in a coffee cup. -Elizabeth Murray Who knows what might be discovered in the world of conversation and coffee cups.

Faithful Trust

It's been a long month...a road that continually stretches my ability to stand on my own two feet. Not sure as to why this has continually been a pattern in the last several years, but it has surely struck my perception of the world. I am at a cross roads...truly trying to make decisions about my life to better myself not only now, but for a family that I desire to have in my future. I am hoping that the sacrifices I have made in recent years will allow my future to be brighter than I could ever imagine. It has been a road of trust... So, I continually have found myself saying... " I place my trust in the Lord." For the future is so often unclear...and so many times I have failed to really trust in Him...but the Lord always has been faithful to me and given me a faithful trust that He will see me through. So this time... I place my trust in the Lord...and know that He holds the Hope of my future. Thank you for the long road and teaching me the lesson of faithful trust.

Incredible Certainity

And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainity that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. ~ The Alchemist

Lull of Life

Ever so often in life there is a lull that suspends time. During that lull one can feel as if the world has abandoned their time. No matter, what one tries to do to allow that time to start spinning again...it doesn't...and will not until the lull that has suspended that time has passed by. A lull can last, to what could seem to be forever...but really in perspective is a lull in a fragment of a whole lot of time. It's how the lull of life is approached that makes the duration of the lull to start spinning again. May the lull in this life...start to spin...time that was frozen is no longer...nor does it even matter. I want the spinning in this moment to carry the lulls of life forever. Though the spinning cycles of happiness wear away...it is the joy in between the lulls that allows the heart to continue spinning. As one spins...may the joy illuminate from within...and allow the lull of life to shine beauty.

Full Circle

In the past several days, I have realized that I want to have genuine happiness to surround me at all times. In this world, that isn't always possible...but lately, I have found that happiness is what we create. Happiness is driven from our attitudes, perspective, and most of all our joy. Genuine happiness permeates from the soul and is contagious. It allows one's spirit to fill a room with laughter and smiles. I am so thankful, for the joy and happiness that I have seen in recent months. I don't know if it the warm weather in the air and the fact that I can put on a pair of flip flops, and enjoy the gentle breeze upon my face, sends this notion of happiness...but I am glad that joy surrounds me. All I know is that my spirit is dancing...and though not everyday is perfectly filled with delight...the joy seen in others makes me simply smile. So even when the rain is pouring down and the rainbow is far from being in sight...allowing my heart to feel happy is important. For walking through the storm allows the rainbow to make me smile even more. I would much rather keep it simple in this life and find the happiness within my soul through the fire. No one desires to walk a hard road, nor do they expect life to always be happy, but finding the joy in life, allows one to fully embrace the happiness within their soul. I am so thankful, to have come full circle...this journey...of life, love and lattes has been one challenging road. Life will forever keep going, never stopping. Love, will forever spring my joy and allow my heart to feel free. Latte moments, are substituted for now, but still allow my spirit to captivate my joy.

Twenty Precious Years

For God, who said, " Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all- surpassing power is from God and not from us. ~ 2 Corinthians 4: 6-7 I am reminded today of how much we have in this life to be thankful for. Lately, I really been questioning my future and what turns within this journey should I really be taking. At times I feel like my journey has been a struggle...not so much outwardly as it has been internally. I decided to be candid today...not sugar coat my feelings...let my heart do the writing... I am truly at a place where the journey is so dark...I can't even really see the light. I know that I am taking steps within this time and space to move the pace of this journey...and often times it seems as if when I take one step forward I end up moving two steps back. I sometimes feel like I should be at a different place in this life...married, good career, completed my education fully...and this list could go on. I know that God is real and I know that He loves me. However, it doesn't change the heart of how I feel sometimes. God never said my journey in this world would be easy...He just asked me to follow. For the past twenty- seven years of my life, He has been forever loving me. Twenty of those precious years, I have been following my Savior. I may have made some mistakes along the way and stumbled down of few paths...but one thing is for sure He has been forever Faithful to me. I may not possess the things in this life that I truly desire right now in this moment...but I am working on it...trusting my Jesus every step of the way. I don't know what lurks around the next year or so of my life...let alone the next corner I turn...but I do know that I serve a God who knows my heart, sees my desires, and will guide me through every avenue that I encounter. The energy it takes to live out this journey faithfully...has truly wanted to collapse and give up at times...I am reminded that there is a greater hope in this life...that we are here...not for ourselves...and not to see our desires come to pass...but to see His desires encompass our lives and truly bring glory and honor to His name. This is ultimately my passion...if I have to sacrifice the deepest desires of my soul to bring glory, and honor to His name...I will do that....For I will continue to follow My King and trust Him completely. My prayer is that through the tests and trials that I face in this journey...no matter how hard it has been, nor how much harder the enduring may go....I pray that He would lift my spirit and allow His beauty to radiate through my soul. For He has called me by name...He did that not only twenty years ago...but continues to call me to follow...keeping my heart in time with His. So yes today...the desires of my heart are lacking...and the light in my world is quite dim. However, His joy continues to break through my sadness and give me life daily....just as He has done for the past twenty-seven years of my life. Thank you Jesus...for being my light in the dark and giving me hope for my future. To those reading....this blog has been inspired by the Spirit within my soul. I pray that if you have read this far...the Lord has touched your heart in the way that only He can. I pray that He whispers His thoughts of grace, hope, and love into your soul. I pray that He will guide you on whatever path you may be facing and most of all grant you the desires of your heart within His perfect timing. He is the alpha and omega...the beginning and end... He is the joy within my sky.

Waves

So I stand at the brink of shore...not sure as to how wide the ocean is, nor if I will ever reach the other side. I do know that there is more of the ocean to explore. I also feel that the shore is where we escape...it's where we feel safe...for when we venture to far the ocean overpowers our strength and often times leaves us in a drowned state. What we fail to realize, is that if we allow our strength to overpower the ocean...we can accomplish great things. We even sometimes reach to the other side and see a more meaningful light. I can't even fathom what the other side of my life looks like...I know that I have to keep swimming in this ocean...and not drown....but with each wave that crashes and pulls me down...I have to get back up...and keep believing that there is greater power that transforms each level of the ocean to help me reach the other shore. Sometimes, we swim back...to the shore...and stand...to see how far we have come...and how much farther we have to keep going. It's a big ocean...with lots of waves...but as they crash....they fade....to hit the shore...of where we started. There are waves that make the sun shine even brighter and allows the ocean to simply smile. Those are the waves of hope....they crash to show us...that life is worth living...they crash to shine favor upon us. It's quite amazing that when you start swimming the shore begins to slowly disappear. Ride out the waves...before ever going back....it allows time, space, and opportunity to be embraced.

Carousel Ride

Life has many facets that take us on carousel's. We go round and round until we acknowledge the fact of who we are. That who we have become was a part of a past of who we were. Yes, we may have grown and taken strides of faith along the circles...but as the spinning of life grew faster we couldn't stop to face the one horse on the carousel that touched our hearts the most. It's the one that perhaps we didn't chose to ride that taught us how to love. The one that wanted to be the chosen, yet simply couldn't because the greater horse was on another carousel. Yet had the past not created hope and allowed our hearts to love....there could have never been....a horse to even choose. But the beauty of the carousel ride still magnifies the heart...and teaches the soul how to truly be inspired by who we are. Once we grasp who we are...and know that we have the power to love freely....then we have entered a new spinning...a new carousel of hope. There is a carousel of life that spins...It spins circles of hardship...but also spins circles of faith, hope, and love.

Center Stage

In the past seven years...life has been one big transition....from changing schools, to living on my own, to starting a new job that was apart of a career path, to embracing the unknown territory of coming back home. I am not sure which stage I perfer to stand on...but one thing is for sure...along this branched path....my character was tested. There were times I couldn't do anything but simply perservere. As the tribulations have broaden over the years they have allowed my proven character to shine. There have truly been many times I have wanted to give up on this life....but knew that my spirit would recieve an unspeakable joy in this life. Time progressed and life seemed to get harder testing my character to it's utter core. These test made me question all that I was in Christ...and made me stand firm in my hope of being faithful. I never knew what lurked around any corner of these trials...I just knew that I was being tested through the fire. As I was tested, satan knew where to attack and how to pull me down. He somehow knew that my faith would prevail and my heart would obey. As hard as that task was...the Lord allowed my spirit to refine. Once the refining process is completed...our souls are shaped, we are who we are...and we can genuinely embrace the joy in this life. To be the hope and truly be the light so that the Lord may receive the glory. So how do we know that we are truly refined individuals? When does one know that they have emerged from the fire with a new anticipated hope on the horizon? It's quite simple...it's when you can look back over the past and see a hand that guided you all the way to the current stage. Is your name on the billboard? Is it your time to embrace the joy that is before you? Is it a time to be the hope and light to those whom surround? If you find yourself asking these pertenent life questions, chances are you have been refined through the fire. God forms his gold through trials and tribulations. Through times unwavering hope, the road can seem lost...but the faith allows for perserverance to prove your character, for your proven character, has hope, and well hope doesn't dissappoint. There comes a time in the process of life...that hope and joy collide. They simply become one. Be the hope to those who bring joy to your soul. No matter where you are...just be the hope that lights the joy. Time will only tell where this current path will lead, but one thing is for sure...I have a proven character, as well as a hope and faith that allows my soul to embrace the joy of this life. So I take center stage...to await my moment where hope can be the joy that fills the room and know that I am clearly not the one standing on center stage...but I am just the hope and joy for someone else to stand and recieve the glory. Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. -George Linnaeus Banks

Mystery Song

It's in the way my heart beats....when I see him near. It's in the way my soul sings....when I hear his voice. It's in the way his smile captures my eyes. It's in the way his laughter makes me giggle inside. It's the way my heart shines...when he speaks to me. It's the way my soul shivers...when I reply. It's in the way his joy illuminates through the sky. It's in the way his happiness makes the day shine. It's in the way the magical silence is comforting. It's in the way the mystery song is singing.

Acts of Love

To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. -David Viscott * thoughts are swarming still...more to come soon *