Spinning

What to do with a life that is continuously spinning...

No matter how the dice lands it seems that life keeps on going even if for a brief moment you just need to breathe. To have the spinning stop so that the circular movement can reach you in a straight line.

Nothing can be simple and faith is grown in chaos. I am not sure what part of life I am spinning in now...it just won't stop and let me take it in. I want to enjoy the moments that make smile...I want this life to make sense.

I want my heart to find the desires that it longs to embrace. I want to be happy...genuinely happy. I am tired and weary and at times wonder if this is all worth it...waiting, wishing, and hoping....for the life that I wish was before me. The life that seems to have fallen into the path of many others. I don't understand the reasons for my path...I wish clarity would scream and capture my heart. I wish the shutter slide moments would catch up to lens of my eye. I wish that time would stop and in that moment I would feel a rush of wind and sense beauty in a way that I have never experienced it before. I wish the life of spinning would create a magical sensation that would allow my spirit to fly. I wish that the movement of this spinning cyclone would transition me into another world.

At times I think that life could have collapsed and things would still keep spinning. I need a moment where I can stand still and feel the wind on my face...instead of always at my back. I need a break...something that clearly states...the spinning has a fate...

I See Moments...

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt


Honestly, change has been all around the last few years. I have been truly searching why so much change has occurred within my life. The questions constitute daily within my heart and mind. I wonder what is it that I am being taught. Why must the pain afflict upon my spirit so often and leave me alone. I am not sure why life has gravitated toward me the way that it has, but there have been moments when I reflect upon the magic of it all...I see a change...that was brought about to form who I am and for me to believe in the person I have become. I see moments of destiny along the path...and moments of true friendship. I see moments of purpose...I see moments of enlightening truth...I see moments of courage...I see moments of honesty...I see moments of becoming...I see moments of loss...I see moments of validity...and then there are moments where I see myself. Who I have become...what my character represents. It's a question that sparked many years ago...and left me wondering when I would look at myself and see the character that I possess. I am not sure why right now in this moment...life is changing...as I know...it has changed. Everything that happened to make me question everything that I was...was nothing the but the mere affect of me learning who I am...what my character represents. Along the way...there were people predestined within this path to allow me to embrace the character that was masked. I know that there are ones who were touched by the grace of God among that path. I am grateful for those moments of genuineness. It has been a journey...one that only could be written by a hand so much greater than my own...He created my character...gave me hope...and is writing me a story...in it all...I found me....my character. When I imagine the bright star shining...and life simply fading...I grasp those moments...where my character was a being molded and refined for the beauty to reflect in others.

What a journey...lives touched...moments embraced without reasoning...life questioned....all to show me...that the change...was all about shaping who I am and giving my character purpose to shine.

Tapestries of Hope

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

--Pericles

This quote resonated with me today in a way that allowed my heart to flourish. I recently have left behind a part of my life that maybe wasn't meant to be left behind. I am slowly but surely realizing that what was left behind may have been just the thread weaving a pattern that allowed the lives of others to cross stitches. It is never easy leaving a path, that was not even clear while one was walking it. Over the course of the last year...again...my heart and soul question the woven texture of the fabric that directed the way.

Then there is the clay...which symbolizes the way that we are molded. It takes precision to mold the perfect coffee mug...and trust that it delicacy will shine through it's perfect rough edges. Then again the rough edges tell a story of their own...it states that though it is delicate, it could weather the storms and create a character all of it's own.

In these moments, I find myself bypassing the delicate side of life...to become involved with the character that is captured by the rough edges that encompass the growth of our lives.

Each one of us has a pattern that is woven to perfection. There may be tattered or frayed edges , but the pattern in the center never changes, nor the stitches that were crossed come undone. The effect that something or someone has upon one isn't always about our growth, but theirs. We are people weaving tapestries of hope to those who are refined and full of life, so that once the tapestry is complete the lives woven together are not left behind...but apart of the wheel of faith that keep the thread spinning.

When the life of one closes or a chapter in life is left behind ...the tapestry of their life continues because the threads of their soul are woven within you.

Little Bits of New...

Lately, it has been little bits of new mixed with little bits of old. Not sure as to why this has occurred but little by little I am concluding that I am enjoying the little bits of new. New things can be exciting, fresh, bright and happy. They can also be very scary... the fear of the unknown. I have to admit as of late...the latter has been filling my heart with worries. Just trying to figure it out...wondering if the little bits of new will one day become little bits of old.

I didn't think that I would miss the old as I have, and I surely didn't want to embrace the new so freely...but the new seems to have embraced me. I miss the old smiles and friendly atmosphere of those who were in my path...the new has become the same....smiles to make me happy and friendly people all around. I am getting used to letting go of the little bits of old...to accept the little bits of new...

Enlighten the heart of my soul to embrace the little bits of new...to encompass the inspiration of the little bits of old.

The little bits of old...share a beauty with the little bits of new.

Time and Chance

The race is not to the swift, or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise, or wealth to the brilliant, or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. Ecclesiastes 9:11 Life happens to be all about time and chance opportunities. It is what we do with these opportunities that enhances our beauty in life.

Shadow Love

The pressures of everyday life sink in. Realizations of what life is all about connect with the dreams of what life could be. Stopped in a crossraod, perplexed by which way to turn. Trusting in my Spirit that decisions will not fault. Fears diverged with the reality of work, and hopes of a better life are the result. Not sure, how to make it through, just focusing on the ever so winding clues. Knowing that all is for good...and that good comes from love. I wonder why love is so hard to express...and why it embraces my heart to confess? I have found my soul battling a profound desire of trust. Strengthened by pass losses, and weakend by the slow advances. Wishing that sounds of Hope would leap forward with forces of never ending strength. Sounds of Hope...Shine Light...Send Grace...Shadow Love.

Light of Love

Every dark road has a light that eventually appears. Sometimes one must walk in the dark for days, months, even years before they see a glimpse of the light. But once the glimpse is in view...the road left behind doesn't seem as important as it was when one was walking it. The glimpse broadens and is now a shining light of hope. It's the light that brightens the day and allows one to fully embrace the humanness of life. To walk a long, dark road can be filled with strife and hardship. One has to continue because the light calls out their name. For when the light speaks, one must obey. When one obeys they have hope that bridges the gap that allows the light to expand and show them a greater thing about life...which ultimately leads to love. Without ever embracing the dark....one could never triumph in the light...and feel the joy that surrounds the heart. It is a gift that comes from above...a story that is written with love. To whomever reads: There is a story for you. One that radiates a light of love. It sings a joyous tune and fills the heart with many songs. It speaks of hope and allows love to call out your name.