Shimmer that Shines

This is a life a constant change. It seems to me...every time I get to a place where I am finally satisfied that something else arises to cause me to strengthen my own faith. I am not sure how this constantly happens, but it does.

It is hard for one to grasp the process of change. By the time one gets comfortable...it is time to move on to another adventure.

So I have literally been in this time and space for five months. The shortest period of anywhere I have ever lived...to hear the sound of a closing door. I know that this time and space has been good and taught me something...if only that just for the moment of learning and strengthening my faith along in this journey.

So there are options with this time and space...and to often I feel strings pulling to a place I don't want to go.

I long for the ocean...the moment...I have my latte, my book, and nothing but time...to keep me occupied. This seems like a peaceful, dreamily life...but one that I will truly experience in my lifetime. Years from now...and as for now I may be choosing a path that I don't really want to choose...but I have to...

It's about taking the leap and trusting that the net will appear. I know within time all the answers to the perilous questions will unravel. I know that my heart will truly be surprised, for beauty is found through the mess of this life. I may not understand this position nor this move, but I do know that it's all for my good.

I cherish the memories that led me to where I am in this moment...and trust that new memories will be made. I often reflect upon the memories that shine and shimmer a little light of faith, hope and love. This current path has been interesting, and taught me that I need to be willing to embrace who I can be in this life.

Lessons are learned daily...and when we see the shimmer that shines the silver lining...all we can do is follow.

Healing

In each moment that life presents to me I am thankful. In the past four months I have been contemplating alot about my future...where is this moment leading me. Will the life I so desire ever be found? I question the thoughts that run through my head and still remain in a state of incredible certainty.

I know to be true, that the desert has been walked...it was walked faithfully. I know to be true that in that desert I lost a portion of a friendship, due to an unnatural cause. I also know that after that desert was walked....and confronted...in the sense like David confronted Goliath...I walked away from the battlefield, knowing that the reward would soon follow. In that same moment, I felt as if the light at the end of the tunnel would never be seen. I felt as if time had slipped away from me. I felt alone in that period of my life and as if no one cared. There were times that I was thankful in my moments of somberness....and was not sure how the healing would ever begin.

When one walks in the desert of darkness, they are not searching for the healing magic...they are trying to thrive off of what they know to be true. For me...that was what I did for two years of my life...I went off what I knew to be true. I knew that God was there carrying me through. He was my only strength in the moments of my desert. All I could hope for was that God was using my time in that desert to shape a portion of who I could be in my future. More often than not...I relay back on that moment in my desert where all seemed lost...to keep walking...to see all that had been gained.


I am forever grateful for my time in that desert place...for my heart had been hardened and needed to be softened. My heart had left my own spirit... and was waiting to find me again. All I had was the truth in my hand...knowing that if I held my Masters hand tightly he would see me through. I had no idea that the healing would be found through the person who showed me that feeling the magic could truly be felt here on this earth.

There are many times in life that we walk away from things...that we know that we should not embrace. Then there are those times when life transcends one to another place because they are simply called...leaving and walking away from something that you know to be true. This is a harder place to be. It simply gives one hope in this life...that all the moments in the desert lead to an ultimate calling. It leads a person to where magic can be embraced.

I hope that this desert that I have been walking in for years...would take me back to the place where I felt my spirit sing...

It was the night that a person so humble...gave me a chance to believe....that hope was still true. Which leads me to the ultimate decision...holding on to what I know to be true...which is healing begins when the magic is found.

Flowers and Fairytales

In the happy shaped bubble of life, everyone desires the fairytale ending. Lately, I have been processing in my thoughts what this would like for me. It's really not that complicated. The more my thoughts are processed the more simple it really becomes. The fairytale ending would bring a huge smile to face and the flowers would naturally fall all around, creating a magic that would fill the air-

Tis the time will come when flowers and fairytales will encompass the light of this day-

Magic Dust

Love and magic have a great deal in common. They enrich the soul, delight the heart. And they both take practice.

-unknown

Magic becomes art when it has nothing to hide.

-Ben Okri

Lots of times things happen that are like magical gifts from the sky...it's like the shooting star that you least expect...or the little touch of fate that gives you hope. It's the moments that are magical when all else fades and your left standing with nothing...but the simple feeling that magic was sprinkled upon you. It may take some time to realize what the magic behind the scenes really meant, but none the less it left the heart and soul in state of pure delight. Could magic fall like that again and be the art of fate that leads me to the magic dust?

Spinning

What to do with a life that is continuously spinning...

No matter how the dice lands it seems that life keeps on going even if for a brief moment you just need to breathe. To have the spinning stop so that the circular movement can reach you in a straight line.

Nothing can be simple and faith is grown in chaos. I am not sure what part of life I am spinning in now...it just won't stop and let me take it in. I want to enjoy the moments that make smile...I want this life to make sense.

I want my heart to find the desires that it longs to embrace. I want to be happy...genuinely happy. I am tired and weary and at times wonder if this is all worth it...waiting, wishing, and hoping....for the life that I wish was before me. The life that seems to have fallen into the path of many others. I don't understand the reasons for my path...I wish clarity would scream and capture my heart. I wish the shutter slide moments would catch up to lens of my eye. I wish that time would stop and in that moment I would feel a rush of wind and sense beauty in a way that I have never experienced it before. I wish the life of spinning would create a magical sensation that would allow my spirit to fly. I wish that the movement of this spinning cyclone would transition me into another world.

At times I think that life could have collapsed and things would still keep spinning. I need a moment where I can stand still and feel the wind on my face...instead of always at my back. I need a break...something that clearly states...the spinning has a fate...

I See Moments...

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt


Honestly, change has been all around the last few years. I have been truly searching why so much change has occurred within my life. The questions constitute daily within my heart and mind. I wonder what is it that I am being taught. Why must the pain afflict upon my spirit so often and leave me alone. I am not sure why life has gravitated toward me the way that it has, but there have been moments when I reflect upon the magic of it all...I see a change...that was brought about to form who I am and for me to believe in the person I have become. I see moments of destiny along the path...and moments of true friendship. I see moments of purpose...I see moments of enlightening truth...I see moments of courage...I see moments of honesty...I see moments of becoming...I see moments of loss...I see moments of validity...and then there are moments where I see myself. Who I have become...what my character represents. It's a question that sparked many years ago...and left me wondering when I would look at myself and see the character that I possess. I am not sure why right now in this moment...life is changing...as I know...it has changed. Everything that happened to make me question everything that I was...was nothing the but the mere affect of me learning who I am...what my character represents. Along the way...there were people predestined within this path to allow me to embrace the character that was masked. I know that there are ones who were touched by the grace of God among that path. I am grateful for those moments of genuineness. It has been a journey...one that only could be written by a hand so much greater than my own...He created my character...gave me hope...and is writing me a story...in it all...I found me....my character. When I imagine the bright star shining...and life simply fading...I grasp those moments...where my character was a being molded and refined for the beauty to reflect in others.

What a journey...lives touched...moments embraced without reasoning...life questioned....all to show me...that the change...was all about shaping who I am and giving my character purpose to shine.

Tapestries of Hope

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

--Pericles

This quote resonated with me today in a way that allowed my heart to flourish. I recently have left behind a part of my life that maybe wasn't meant to be left behind. I am slowly but surely realizing that what was left behind may have been just the thread weaving a pattern that allowed the lives of others to cross stitches. It is never easy leaving a path, that was not even clear while one was walking it. Over the course of the last year...again...my heart and soul question the woven texture of the fabric that directed the way.

Then there is the clay...which symbolizes the way that we are molded. It takes precision to mold the perfect coffee mug...and trust that it delicacy will shine through it's perfect rough edges. Then again the rough edges tell a story of their own...it states that though it is delicate, it could weather the storms and create a character all of it's own.

In these moments, I find myself bypassing the delicate side of life...to become involved with the character that is captured by the rough edges that encompass the growth of our lives.

Each one of us has a pattern that is woven to perfection. There may be tattered or frayed edges , but the pattern in the center never changes, nor the stitches that were crossed come undone. The effect that something or someone has upon one isn't always about our growth, but theirs. We are people weaving tapestries of hope to those who are refined and full of life, so that once the tapestry is complete the lives woven together are not left behind...but apart of the wheel of faith that keep the thread spinning.

When the life of one closes or a chapter in life is left behind ...the tapestry of their life continues because the threads of their soul are woven within you.