Brotherly Love

In the previous post I had mentioned that realizations and perilous thoughts had been swarming through my heart. I have been shadowing through these indentations of life that have allowed me to be much of who I am today.

This journey that I call "life" has given me plenty of unexpected turns. These unexpected turns have taught me how to obey, trust, have faith, hope, and most of all love. Not necessarily a romantic love...but to have a brotherly love toward the people that God strategically has allowed in my path.

Typically, growing up I loved all freely. I was very open with anyone...and always sharing a story. However, something changed in my spirit when I went to college. Not sure why or even how, but I closed off, became more of introvert than I ever expected. During those years, I really think my philosophical journey began. I began to question God about many things...including my existence. I wasn't sure of the answers of life's perilous questions, and decided that my research had to begin with me.

I had to venture far away from people whom I had loved. That meant leaving my comfort zone and embracing the unknown. For years , I knew I wanted to go to Liberty University, major in vocal performance and eventually one day teach music. So for two years, I actively pursued this life, and found myself constantly questioning the decision of attending this school. I really wanted to be there...I had made friends, knew people from home, and in reality had a fulfilled college experience. There was something missing. I couldn't quite place it, nor could I comprehend it. It was then I knew something had to change.

It was time for me to leave my path...the one that I wanted. It was time for me to embrace a bigger avenue that taught me many of life's lessons. After leaving Liberty University, I took two years off to seek the Lord about where He wanted my next step of obedience to be and what did He want for me to pursue as my career. During those two years, I found myself in the local library studying philosophers and psychologists, and different view points of human existence and questioning more about life than I ever had before.

So as the summer of 2003 approached I knew that I needed to be thinking about school. So, I began praying about colleges and where to attend. I remember it as if it was yesterday. I was sitting in my little comfy apartment in Richmond, VA watching Oprah. When I felt the spirit prompt my soul. I immediately turned off the TV and began to pray about what the Lord was speaking to me. In that moment, He recalled Lee University to my mind. I had applied there my senior of high school, but had no desire to venture that far away from home. In that moment, God called me to attend Lee University and major in Psychology. Well, it was mid June...and I figured I would apply for Spring semester of 2004. Funny how, less than three weeks later, I get a call saying I have a roommate and a dorm room for the Fall semester of 2003. I knew that this was greater than anything I could have worked out, and so I quit my job and moved out of my apartment and was in Cleveland Tn in less than 72 hours. Looking back, it was all a world wind.

The next three years, brought about every emotion that a person could face. Lee University is forever etched in my mind as my desert. A place that I was apparently prepared for, however, walked some pretty tough terrain. The next three years brought more hardship to my soul, than I ever anticipated.

I had been there a semester and was just happy to be finishing my degree. I was a junior my first year and it was my hardest academic year yet. I was trying to get caught up with transferring so that I could graduate from there in some orderly fashion...and not draw this education process out forever. This place, gave me a degree, and even gave me a firmer foundation in my beliefs. Though this place gave me some happy moments to be enjoyed, being at Lee also brought many hardships to be embraced.

I lost a close friend/roommate while attending Lee. She was a person who God brought into my life to teach me new things about His love. The truth is we sat at a local Dairy Queen one night and it was as if we instantly knew the other. Hard to explain really...but it was a moment shared by both us that remains in my heart today. We had the same promise from the Lord and we were on the path seeking His will. She was who God sent to me to give me faith and hope through waiting for His promise to be fulfilled. She knew this instantly. It amazed me how she just stated Scripture that night and believed in her soul that every promise that He had given her would be fulfilled in her lifetime. I had no idea that night...her lifetime would only be a short little while.

As the next year went on she was my roommate and ever so gently prompting me to embrace this life and accept the calling that God had upon my life. She knew I was hesitant in what He was calling me to do...yet stood behind me faithfully, encouraging me to grasp the Lord's hand in all circumstances. Meanwhile, she saw how Satan was attacking me through every bit of this journey. She and I many philosophical/ theological discussions about the ramifications of living life on this earth. Interesting, how she really reasoned with me through life's perilous questions...and sometimes it was as if she already new the answers. I miss those conversations.

So life brought me that hardship...being one that broke my spirit and at the same time relinquishing me to embrace this life. To accept the calling that God had put upon my Spirit and not waver in His promise.

The Lord had fulfilled every promise He had given to her before He took her home. I not only knew these promises...but some of them were the same that were spoken into my life...it was a friendship of faith...and one that stays with me everyday. Her fulfilled promises give me hope that every journey is written and that every promise God makes...He keeps.

Friends this is just a portion of what I walked...but if I could say one thing....having and sharing brotherly love is the essence of finding hope and faith.

Realizations and perilous thoughts

Thoughts of new heights and realizations are swarming through my heart. I am in the process of shadowing through these perilous thoughts to underwrite their meanings. They deal with an array of life's indentations. I feel honored to have experienced such a genuine walk of life in the past month or so. When one falls faint and feels as if he or she can't go on...there is the mere fact left...of accepting the mistakes of life as lessons learned along the beaten path . When a person comes to terms that life and love are out of their own means...and have relinquished themselves to embrace the frailty of life...something amazing happens within the soul. It's as if the caterpillar had been in a cocoon for sometime...and has truly been released to fly. The soul has been set free. What a feeling...to know that obedience, trust, faith, hope and even love have played apart to allow my soul to soar.

There are more writings coming soon that express the realizations of my heart.

Be blessed precious friends!

Living with Heart

Life can be seen through your eyes, but it is not fully appreciated until it is seen through your heart. ~ Mary Xavier

If you live life with heart, rather than your eyes...you may experience the shadows of life in a whole new light. Living life with passion, embracing each moment with your heart allows you to appreciate the beauty that life encompasses. Feeling the life around you and knowing that life breathes through the light that your heart shines. Each path and avenue will have bumps, but if you bypass those and look at situations from the heart....I promise...you will feel blessed.

Simply stated...life with passion...is appreciating life through letting your heart experience the light it resonates.

Simple Smile

It began as a regular day with the same 'ole schedule. I woke up got out of bed and decided to do some errands in the early morning. Had no idea that the simplest phrase would catch me so off guard in the profoundest way.

There I was in the local Target...just trying to get some everyday things...when this pale green coffee mug caught my eye. It had an elegant, silver writing on it...that read..."Peace begins with a smile."

When we walk an everyday path, that seems so dark, and one that seems to be such a battle...It is hard to smile. Sometimes even painful. In order to smile a peace must be found in one's soul that allows the heart to flutter once again.

Recently, in the past four years, battle's have come at me...from many directions...a time of testing my strength, faith, and character. I found it hard to be at peace...within myself...let alone anyone else. There comes a time in life, where the simple smile can allow the peace to put to rest the battle in one's soul.

Peace comes from letting go of your ideals and emotions...and grasping hold of a greater hope. To genuinely smile...releases peace into the soul and allows one to know that they are alive.

After all, the simple smile lets the beauty of life unravel.

Intangible Gaps

At times a leap of faith is a perplexing step of obedience, to apart of the unknown world...and then again this same leap of faith may encompass the same perplexing step of obedience to embrace and accept more of who you are in the unknown world.

Both leaps of faith teach us to move out of the comfortable situations in life. Simply to embrace the uncomfortable. They teach us to grasp hold and have a winged prayer. In those times where obedience is key, especially when leaving the comfortable side of life, there is a bigger picture that we can't see.

Leaps of Faith are the intangible gaps in this life. They are the jumps we take that we don't have the landing in sight. Through hope and faith we have to accept the uncomfortable and somehow find away to have courage to take the steps of obedience. The leaps are embracing the obedience of what we can't see, by releasing ourselves to jump with our eyes wide open and capturing every moment of the fall.

When we sense that we have fallen...the hand gently comes along...and shows that you are soaring. You never fell... instead you to took flight...you never jumped....you took off.

So the intangible gap that one can not see, begins with a take off...not a jump...so that instead of falling...one is actually flying.

It's breathe taking and capturing how a winged prayer and obedience can cause a person to bridge the intangible gaps in this life. Leaps of faith can be scary...and a bit awkward...but once you take off...the journey of the unknown begins to shine through, and allows you to embrace who you are in the unknown world.

Brokenness

Brokenness is found in every human soul. It takes a lifetime to repair a shattered heart and remove the pieces of a story left untold.

Why is there so much brokenness in this life? Some days life is truly a treasure and others it's a broken piece of my heart. Over the years, personal tragedy has affected my life and left me in a broken state of mind. I tend to blame my melancholic personality for this mentality...however, these tragic losses are very pertinent to my soul.

In times of Brokenness, I question God. I don't understand sometimes why tragedy hits people and why we walk such sadness in this life. I know that God said, It would never be easy...and I tend to believe that for Christians it is a harder journey, to allow our courage and faith to shine before men.

Brokenness, is all around the world...in every country, in every home, in every life. I am a believer that when brokenness is heavy on the heart of a person...that their is ONE who can take that pain and bear it. I have truly experienced this. Simply stated: losing a life of a friend or a loved one, can cause utter brokenness. It can cause one to question life, existence, and yes, even God.

When tragedy strikes...one tries to deal with the ramifications of what has happened. One tries to overcome and move on with life. The truth is...you don't ever get over death...you get over the Brokenness that your heart encounters through the tragic experience.

Death: I tend rely on the thoughts that Victor Frankl shares about suffering...."If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering."

Brokenness is apart of suffering. To have meaning in suffering...the shattered heart must find a way to recover and refine the broken pieces for the heart to shine through the human soul.

Avenue of Existence

There are avenues in life that cause us to question our personal human existence. These avenues consist of gratifications that are highly sought after through pop culture and other ventures that present themselves to society.

Lately, I have been contemplating the real avenues that affect who we are as people. What is it that truly makes a person exist? We all are seeking some instant gratification in life...to present ourselves to the world as if we are somebody. I don't think that instant gratifications in life make us who we are. It is the journey that precedes moments of where our existence is known. In saying this...we all walk journey's...some a little harder than others....and some that we wish we never would have walked. However, our existence is sharpened and shaped through those journeys. Every journey has specific avenues that create and mold us into who we are. It is what we present to others in the slightest moments that allows us to exist.

Existence...is the simple smile that lets you know you did the right thing. It's the kind words that are said when you least expect them. It's the gentle touch that says, I'll catch when you fall. It's the moment where time stands still and allows you to embrace who you are, when you least expect it. It is found in the simple gift of giving yourself to others. This may be the profoundist existence of all. If you grasp life and give of yourself, selflessly, your existence seems to shine...not only before man, but before God.

Breathe

The world uncovers my soul , allowing me to question who I am, and what place I hold in this life. More often, than not, I relinquish myself to the notion that God created me for a greater purpose than I can possibly see. He carries me through all the trials and tribulations that I encounter.

Truth be known...that I am a miracle on this earth. I should have never lived through the first nine years of my life, but by the grace and mercy of our loving God he gave me every breath to breathe...literally.

Many know my story, but I thought I would share it again. When I entered this world I was grayish/blue in color. The doctors and nurses were at my side and ran many tests on me to figure out what the actual problem was. At the time I was rushed to another hospital to run more tests . Finally, doctors concluded that I wasn't born with a pulmonary valve. This is the valve that pumps the blood to the rest of the body. Instead I had a hole in my heart that did the work for this missing valve. I walked nine years on this earth until I had a major open heart surgery. My family and the doctors had faith that I would survive until an adult valve could be placed within my heart. This was a huge decision and one that clearly shows the miraculous gift of life. I don't think that I should be here...and each day I face truly is a gift from above.

I have physical scar from the surgery that stays with me everyday. When I look at this scar...I see God's provision and care written all over my life. The very breath of life that He gives...I breathed.

The deeper blessing in life is just simply allowing Him to breathe for us, when we can't breathe for ourselves.

Inevitable Pressure

As one becomes older, life inevitably becomes harder. Life happens and the pressures of adulthood weigh us down. I have fully taken a plunge in recent months and fully support myself. This is the second time in my life that I have taken on all the bills to survive in this life. The first time was a about five years ago. After two years of struggling, I concluded that school may need to be an accomplished goal before embarking myself into the complicatedness of life.

So, it's almost been a year since I graduated. I have taken on myself and the life I wanted to lead; embracing the life of somewhat of different caliber. Now I am not a materialistic person...but I do like nice, expensive things...but everything in moderation, right? So I found myself saying no to some things that I never would have questioned buying some years ago. It's frustrating and almost depressing really, that I am currently saving money for a future that I can't even see.

However, the life that becomes harder allows our wisdom to gain further knowledge and helps adulthood make a little more since. After all, I think that true adulthood, is a very sacrificial part of life. Especially parenthood. There is an invetable pressure of adulthood profoundly found through the singleness of one, who is trying to give back to a future that is totally hidden.

Enduring Fear

There comes a time in life that one has to face a giant or a fear. Sometimes we have to lay down every bit of our pride and just simply stand and say who we are. It takes gumption to release yourself to the lights of the unknown and to be at peace with the fact of knowing one did the right thing. For me, doing the right thing is always perplexing. I tend to be skeptical of life and love. Ironically, I don't really have reason to feel this way. I was raised in a very loving home and given answers to life's questions in the simplest forms. When did life become so complicated, leaving me with many questions that surround me today?

I remember my freshman year of school. I entered a Unviersity that I thought would carry me through for four years. I would walk that stage and have a degree with vocal performance as my major. That was clearly not the road that I was supposed to take. For there was a different path for me. A path that if I knew now what I didn't know then...wouldn't have been traveled. However, with God's strength, faith, and hope I muddled my way through and accepted the fact that He had different plans than I did.

Thoughts ran through my head...of would I ever get it right? See the light at the end of the tunnel and know that I survived because of His unshakable love for me. Through the hardship and fire He spoke gently to me...carrying me through. Giving me strength to walk the path that was presented to me.

Many dangers and fears came with this road, causing me to hesitate and question truth's that I believed. I found myself on the waves of rushing tides that wanted to pull me under. I fought a battle that Satan clearly wanted me to fail. However, when you face the giant in this world that enables every inch of your being to cling to the Father, you somehow feel love through the rain. When the sky lurks a cool ,misty, gray feeling and the sun appears in light of your battle...it is then you know you have obeyed.

Living Life

Voices of fear and doubt,
Create a soul of drought.

Voices of anger and rage,
Create a soul of age.

Voices of generosity and caring,
Create a soul of sharing.

Voices of agony and pain,
Create a soul of shame.

Voices of laughing and singing,
Create a soul of believing.

Voices of sights and sounds,
Create a soul of living life.