This is a life a constant change. It seems to me...every time I get to a place where I am finally satisfied that something else arises to cause me to strengthen my own faith. I am not sure how this constantly happens, but it does.
It is hard for one to grasp the process of change. By the time one gets comfortable...it is time to move on to another adventure.
So I have literally been in this time and space for five months. The shortest period of anywhere I have ever lived...to hear the sound of a closing door. I know that this time and space has been good and taught me something...if only that just for the moment of learning and strengthening my faith along in this journey.
So there are options with this time and space...and to often I feel strings pulling to a place I don't want to go.
I long for the ocean...the moment...I have my latte, my book, and nothing but time...to keep me occupied. This seems like a peaceful, dreamily life...but one that I will truly experience in my lifetime. Years from now...and as for now I may be choosing a path that I don't really want to choose...but I have to...
It's about taking the leap and trusting that the net will appear. I know within time all the answers to the perilous questions will unravel. I know that my heart will truly be surprised, for beauty is found through the mess of this life. I may not understand this position nor this move, but I do know that it's all for my good.
I cherish the memories that led me to where I am in this moment...and trust that new memories will be made. I often reflect upon the memories that shine and shimmer a little light of faith, hope and love. This current path has been interesting, and taught me that I need to be willing to embrace who I can be in this life.
Lessons are learned daily...and when we see the shimmer that shines the silver lining...all we can do is follow.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Healing
In each moment that life presents to me I am thankful. In the past four months I have been contemplating alot about my future...where is this moment leading me. Will the life I so desire ever be found? I question the thoughts that run through my head and still remain in a state of incredible certainty.
I know to be true, that the desert has been walked...it was walked faithfully. I know to be true that in that desert I lost a portion of a friendship, due to an unnatural cause. I also know that after that desert was walked....and confronted...in the sense like David confronted Goliath...I walked away from the battlefield, knowing that the reward would soon follow. In that same moment, I felt as if the light at the end of the tunnel would never be seen. I felt as if time had slipped away from me. I felt alone in that period of my life and as if no one cared. There were times that I was thankful in my moments of somberness....and was not sure how the healing would ever begin.
When one walks in the desert of darkness, they are not searching for the healing magic...they are trying to thrive off of what they know to be true. For me...that was what I did for two years of my life...I went off what I knew to be true. I knew that God was there carrying me through. He was my only strength in the moments of my desert. All I could hope for was that God was using my time in that desert to shape a portion of who I could be in my future. More often than not...I relay back on that moment in my desert where all seemed lost...to keep walking...to see all that had been gained.
I am forever grateful for my time in that desert place...for my heart had been hardened and needed to be softened. My heart had left my own spirit... and was waiting to find me again. All I had was the truth in my hand...knowing that if I held my Masters hand tightly he would see me through. I had no idea that the healing would be found through the person who showed me that feeling the magic could truly be felt here on this earth.
There are many times in life that we walk away from things...that we know that we should not embrace. Then there are those times when life transcends one to another place because they are simply called...leaving and walking away from something that you know to be true. This is a harder place to be. It simply gives one hope in this life...that all the moments in the desert lead to an ultimate calling. It leads a person to where magic can be embraced.
I hope that this desert that I have been walking in for years...would take me back to the place where I felt my spirit sing...
It was the night that a person so humble...gave me a chance to believe....that hope was still true. Which leads me to the ultimate decision...holding on to what I know to be true...which is healing begins when the magic is found.
I know to be true, that the desert has been walked...it was walked faithfully. I know to be true that in that desert I lost a portion of a friendship, due to an unnatural cause. I also know that after that desert was walked....and confronted...in the sense like David confronted Goliath...I walked away from the battlefield, knowing that the reward would soon follow. In that same moment, I felt as if the light at the end of the tunnel would never be seen. I felt as if time had slipped away from me. I felt alone in that period of my life and as if no one cared. There were times that I was thankful in my moments of somberness....and was not sure how the healing would ever begin.
When one walks in the desert of darkness, they are not searching for the healing magic...they are trying to thrive off of what they know to be true. For me...that was what I did for two years of my life...I went off what I knew to be true. I knew that God was there carrying me through. He was my only strength in the moments of my desert. All I could hope for was that God was using my time in that desert to shape a portion of who I could be in my future. More often than not...I relay back on that moment in my desert where all seemed lost...to keep walking...to see all that had been gained.
I am forever grateful for my time in that desert place...for my heart had been hardened and needed to be softened. My heart had left my own spirit... and was waiting to find me again. All I had was the truth in my hand...knowing that if I held my Masters hand tightly he would see me through. I had no idea that the healing would be found through the person who showed me that feeling the magic could truly be felt here on this earth.
There are many times in life that we walk away from things...that we know that we should not embrace. Then there are those times when life transcends one to another place because they are simply called...leaving and walking away from something that you know to be true. This is a harder place to be. It simply gives one hope in this life...that all the moments in the desert lead to an ultimate calling. It leads a person to where magic can be embraced.
I hope that this desert that I have been walking in for years...would take me back to the place where I felt my spirit sing...
It was the night that a person so humble...gave me a chance to believe....that hope was still true. Which leads me to the ultimate decision...holding on to what I know to be true...which is healing begins when the magic is found.
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