fade into white

Confused, dazed, slightly perplexed, and feeling all melancholy like. Thinking my thoughts are swarming in my head and hoping that they land in a perfect coherent arrangement. I want the daisies to make the new day shine. I want the soul to inspire my heart to believe. I want the sparkle to light up the dark sky. I want the simple nature of life to find me at peace and not in a chaotic state. I want the bubbles to float all the way up to the sky and not go POP. I want to create the life that I am meant to live. I don't want a give up on the dream that I am living this life for a greater purpose...and it takes many of faults to get one to where they really want to be. I want the new day to be grand. I want the light to be golden, and the shades of gray... fade into white. I want to see beauty like never before...and to embrace the the hope of the star. It's the holiday cheer and the magic in the air that makes this season bright.

sharing peace

It's been rough day...one that could be forgotten in my book...but I also have to embrace the situation and try to make it better. I miss when things were simple...when life seemed like a bubble that floated to a perfect tune. Sometimes, I go in trance and drive in the jeep thinking about how I wish I was on island...with a perfect beach...and could go for a boat ride everyday. Other days I wish my jeep could take me to Paris...and I could escape to a cafe, and drink a fresh french pressed coffee. It would be bliss. Then there are the moments where I wish that I could sit in my adirondack chair on a balcony by the shore and read, with the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. That would be grand. So I asked myself today....where would like my jeep to take me. My answer was somewhere not here...just a moment to escape to be by myself and see the light of the day from another perspective. Immediately in my mind and heart, I knew I was wanting to not embrace the trials of the day, and trust that they would turn out ok. It's gotten harder the last few years to just be content...at peace...with all that life encompasses. My melancholy personality kicks in often leaving me questioning and praying for contentedness. When it is I, that has the peace locked in my soul...and is not releasing it into my heart. I wonder when a real vacation will come...you know the type that you don't have to plan in your head, and the one that you can really live. I am learning everyday, how to accept the pressures of this life...and look at them as blessings. It is so hard to think that amidst the trials, lies blessing, hope, healing, and peace. If I have learned anything on this journey, and through the desserts of my life...it has been that in life we may have trouble, and yes it make strike us from every side and leave every chord broken. There is something greater, that comes along and picks up...and allows us to see that the simple can be found through the chaos. It's in the blessing of a new day. It's the hope that life will get better,that dreams will be granted, and promises will be fulfilled. There is healing in the storm, and surrounds it's light in the dark. Healing allows the spirit to feel again, for the hope to be restored. Lastly, there is peace... and with peace comes the satisfaction that life can be embraced fully. It's been a journey...and marked by many storms...there have been rainbows, and dark clouds...and days where the sun has shown. However, everyday that is embraced is about sharing the joy of that peace so that others may find hope, healing, and the blessing of this life. So whether that is living on the ocean shore with a simple life, or living in the mountains with the trials of the chaotic life, the purpose is the same...that never changes... sharing peace -

Holiday Wish

Take a deep....now breathe in and breathe out. Life can be a hard journey. It can be simple, and we can tend to make life complicated. It's all in the perspective of how we live...everyday. I am learning that the more we breathe in the less we breathe out. We should be breathing in, and breathing out a lot more. The holiday season is among us, and most of us are hustling and bustling to get the perfect gift, and not taking in the true meaning and sights that surround us. Tis the season to be jolly...and tis the season is to be happy. Though times are tough for many...lets take a moment to breathe in and breathe out the hope that encompasses our everyday life. Let's make a wish....not just the ordinary wish, the wish that only Jesus can grant us. The wish that is so instilled within our souls that only He can bestow. It's there and though we can't imagine how He would ever bring that wish to us, or allow the beauty to ignite that wish....still wish and know that there is a greater hope to which the holiday wish can be granted. So take a deep breathe...now breath in and breathe out....make your holiday wish....and trust that no matter what goes down this holiday season, that the joy, and the happiness of the sparkling lights will lift your spirits, that perfect gifts will be given, and even more importantly....the soul will be touched by the holiday wish being granted.

Something New

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. - Marcel Proust

Sometimes it is simple to say it's time for something new....and at other times it is really hard. It's hard of letting go of the familiar to embrace the thought of something new. Perhaps the hard part in letting go...isn't the thought that something new want come your way....but the simple fact that whatever does happen....won't be good enough, or sufficient enough to over ride what your letting go.

It's time...to let go...to start a new journey...to let what taught me in the past....feed me hope in the present....and give me light for my future.

It's not that we should forget, but it's about speaking the breath of life into the moments that I live....being a vessel who is willing to do what it takes to capture the newness of life on a daily basis.

So yes in this moment, it's hard to simply let go and trust that all with work out...but that's what faith and hope are all about. To let go....simply embrace the new.... and hope and pray that what comes one's way....will be nothing less than what the heart and soul could dream.

In this moment....it's something new...it's the adventure of peace...that will forever be etched on the heart....and for that I am ever grateful.

Shine Like Stars

Therefore my dear friends, as you have always obeyed- not only in my presence but now much more in my absence - continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without arguing and complaining so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe; as you hold out he word of life-in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

Philippians 2: 12-16

Faith + Hope = Trust

Faith is the belief that God is ; hope is believing that God will do what he has promised; and trust is living with absolute confidence in the Father's acceptance and unconditional love; and totally abandoning yourself to whatever He asks of you to do; even when it doesn't make sense.

Faith + Hope = Trust

One must have faith in the Lord, hope that he will complete what he started, and trust with an absolute certainty that through His love one will accomplish the ultimate purpose that He has planned.

He is gonna do great things through the hearts that are open to trusting in His way, and living out hope, by faithfully believing that He is, who He says He is.

Postive Perception

The beauty in this life sometimes is hidden in our greatest leap of faith. The road may continue to be long and it may continue to bring hardship, but when the perception is changed, there is hope amidst the storm. The beauty isn't found when all is content and at peace...beauty is found when walking through the rough terrain, and having the faith that peace will be found. Sad but true, it has taken me a few years to reach this point in my life...and to truly grasp that walking through the hardship and having a positive perception can help lighten the burden of this life. It is through taking a daily leap of faith, that allows the beauty in this life to be captured, the peace to be sustained, and the grace to be given.

Faith and Trust

Embrace the magic of yourself, is what I often tell myself to do. The last few months the magic within myself has been silent and often a mystery to me. The magic is often simple to find, it's the mystery of complexity of the truth that is hiding. What does it take for the complex truth to be known? It takes a little dabble of faith and huge proximity of trust.



In moments where the we feel caught in the ebb and flow, life is writing our story. It may be very simple, and often not that hard to read. It's the writer that's complex, and the magic and mystery are the elements that create the brilliant moral of the story.



So what do faith and trust have anything to do with the story? In recent weeks, I have learned that faith and trust are the story of life. They each represent a way to let the complexity of the story shine. What empowers a person to show the elements of magic and mystery is their ever so winding faith and trust in life. I realize that faith comes from not seeing, and only believing in the magic of a moment. God, can teach so many the true value of faith, and He can use the most fantastic light to show the way. If we don't embrace ourselves and trust with all that is within us and this life....then magic and mystery will fade....and life itself will become nothing but dormant.



So even when the complexity of life drives us mad, and causes us to stumble, faith and trust will ignite the magic and mystery within ourselves, to believe when we can't even see.

Monumental Miracles

There are times in life, when I take a moment to reflect on monumental miracles. I am not talking about the miracles that we all tend to pray for....but for the miracles that are obvious within everyday life, that grasp our attention and become something monumental within our lives. Those miracles teach us how to proceed in life, they give us hope, and they shine clarity within our souls. Sometimes the monumental miracles aren't so obvious and it takes time for one to realize that a miracle has been sent from above. Truthfully, we can view life as the miracle of hope...and in it find strands of faith that spark life experiences that shape the beauty of monumental miracles.

Live Humbly

Let any man turn to God in earnest, let him begin to exercise himself unto godliness, let him seek to develop his powers of spiritual receptivity by trust and obedience and humility, and the results will exceed anything he may have hoped in his leane.

- Aiden Wilson Tozer


Without humility and trust one can not walk an obedient life. May life itself teach us how to live humbly and to strengthen our trust to walk an obedient life.

Listen

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
~ Jimi Hendrix

Taking in the sights and sounds, and translating the perplexed thoughts into words.
It may never be simple, and it may never see the truth. It will always be pure and full of peace. For when the voice crackles and murmers the words from the soul, she will take the moment...to listen....and respond with clarity.

Molding Perfection

Each man must look to himself to teach him the meaning of life. It is not something discovered: it is something molded. ~ Antoine de Saitnt-Exupery


The essential part of life...is grasping the beauty of its mold- even if it's messy. Accepting the mess, and finding that the beauty will always shine forth....always. Teaching the soul how to shine the truth even when the mold is a complete and utter mess. Hope reaches down, and sets the mold free...for when perfection comes, the imperfections disappear.

Settlin'

...I ain't settlin' for just gettin' by... had enough of so so... for the rest of my life.... tired of shootin' to low.... so raise the bar high.... just enough ain't enough this time...I ain't settlin'.... for anything less than everything....

~ SUGARLAND

Second Chances

Second chances... are always fun with a slight timidness within the heart.

Lately, thoughts have swarmed my mind about second chances and how often one takes the beauty of this life to make a mess of it.

Well, the truth is...life is messy, and there are going to be times that one will miss their boat. That boat may take them to another shore and allow them to see what could have been...but when one becomes timid and finds it hard to move on...there will always be a hand to guide the way. It's moment of clarity will strike and the anchor will set beneath the sand.

There is peace when the second chance is granted...and no matter how hard one tries to escape the timidness, it must be embraced...to find the pureness and fate behind the beauty of having a second chance granted.

Plans

For I know the plans I have for you; declares the Lord
Plans to prosper you and not harm you,
Plans to give you a hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Sky of Hope

In moments where the memories fade and the darkness creeps in and the questioning begins...

These are the moments to believe...

Believe and lean not on your own understanding....but follow the path that the Creator envisions for you to walk...no matter how treacherous or how enduring it may seem...there is destiny written in the sky of hope.

It's the rainy day... and the storm clears...and the biggest and brightest rainbow appears...leaving a memory that hope and love will always prevail.

The sky of hope has a beauty and luster that captures the soul and gives the heart the courage and magic to believe...

Glimpse of Encouragement

Earlier last week a friend sent me a text with some verses out of Lamentations to encourage me through my world wind of transition. I sat to read them after she sent me the text, and really thought that the whole chapter reflected my entire walk the last several years. Exactly a week later, tonight...the verses that my friend had sent me a week prior were read aloud at a bible study that I attended.



God sends us the words that we need to hear....when we need to hear them. He is working when we can't see...and loves us even in His time of silence. During those times we must listen closely and feel His love through the glimpses of encouragement.



I think many people feel that at certain times in their lives they have been afflicted...simply besieged and surrounded by hardship. Hardship can be different for everyone, for what might be easy for one person is a mountain for another person.



I believe that these verses from the book of Lamentations reflect how hope will shine through the hardship.



Lamentations 3: 1-9



vs 1: I am a man who has seen affliction by the rod of his wrath.

vs 2: He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light:

vs 3: Indeed he has turned his hand against me again, and again, all day long.

vs 4: He has made my skin and my flesh grow old and has broken my bones.

vs 5: He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship.

vs 6: He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead.

vs 7: He has walled me in so I can not escape, he has weighed me down with chains.

vs 8: Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer.

vs. 9: He has barred my way will blocks of stone; He has made path crooked....



Lamentations: 3: 25-26; 28-29; 31- 33



vs 25:The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

vs 26: It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.



vs 28: Let him sit alone in silence for the Lord has laid it on him.

vs 29: Let him bury his face in the dust there may yet be hope.



vs 31: For we are not cast off by the Lord forever.

vs 32: Though He brings grief he will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.

vs 33: For he does not not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

Time to Wait

There is nothing better than time...

Time to breathe
Time to work
Time to play
Time to relax
Time to take flight
Time to embrace
Time to sit
Time to believe
Time to shine
Time to pray
Time to wait....

Time builds patience and strength...and retreats the heart to peace....
Time suspends and gives wings for the promise to flutter...

Embrace the moments where time is the only constant...for the beauty in that space will unveil.

Perplexity

Perplexing thoughts cloud the mind and causes one to take a step back. When the step back is taken, one realizes that maybe the perception of the other was slightly different. Perceptions are perceived in different ways and people take ideas and make them sway to their liking. Lately this tune of life has swayed me upside down and left me suspended for a moment. It's about walking the straight path and keeping one foot in front of the other so that I don't get off that suspended path...

Perplexity of the soul, has caused this path to sway in my heart...

I am not sure why nothing makes sense nor how to make the music sing a different tune...

I know that the perception can sway the tune and cause the perplexing soul to grow and leave me at peace...

It's all about the tune that we create within ourselves that saves the perception of the perplexity.

Peace, Joy, Delight

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)

As the passionate heart relinquishes it's worries and embraces the dream of a higher calling, may peace surround the heart and bring joy to the soul. May the joy within the soul take great delight in these plans and find shelter in Your love.

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)

I will give you rest...I will give you rest...

Walking in obedience and seeking His desires...He plans the course that leads to the stars...for He always is ever present...and lights the sky with joy.

Shimmer that Shines

This is a life a constant change. It seems to me...every time I get to a place where I am finally satisfied that something else arises to cause me to strengthen my own faith. I am not sure how this constantly happens, but it does.

It is hard for one to grasp the process of change. By the time one gets comfortable...it is time to move on to another adventure.

So I have literally been in this time and space for five months. The shortest period of anywhere I have ever lived...to hear the sound of a closing door. I know that this time and space has been good and taught me something...if only that just for the moment of learning and strengthening my faith along in this journey.

So there are options with this time and space...and to often I feel strings pulling to a place I don't want to go.

I long for the ocean...the moment...I have my latte, my book, and nothing but time...to keep me occupied. This seems like a peaceful, dreamily life...but one that I will truly experience in my lifetime. Years from now...and as for now I may be choosing a path that I don't really want to choose...but I have to...

It's about taking the leap and trusting that the net will appear. I know within time all the answers to the perilous questions will unravel. I know that my heart will truly be surprised, for beauty is found through the mess of this life. I may not understand this position nor this move, but I do know that it's all for my good.

I cherish the memories that led me to where I am in this moment...and trust that new memories will be made. I often reflect upon the memories that shine and shimmer a little light of faith, hope and love. This current path has been interesting, and taught me that I need to be willing to embrace who I can be in this life.

Lessons are learned daily...and when we see the shimmer that shines the silver lining...all we can do is follow.

Healing

In each moment that life presents to me I am thankful. In the past four months I have been contemplating alot about my future...where is this moment leading me. Will the life I so desire ever be found? I question the thoughts that run through my head and still remain in a state of incredible certainty.

I know to be true, that the desert has been walked...it was walked faithfully. I know to be true that in that desert I lost a portion of a friendship, due to an unnatural cause. I also know that after that desert was walked....and confronted...in the sense like David confronted Goliath...I walked away from the battlefield, knowing that the reward would soon follow. In that same moment, I felt as if the light at the end of the tunnel would never be seen. I felt as if time had slipped away from me. I felt alone in that period of my life and as if no one cared. There were times that I was thankful in my moments of somberness....and was not sure how the healing would ever begin.

When one walks in the desert of darkness, they are not searching for the healing magic...they are trying to thrive off of what they know to be true. For me...that was what I did for two years of my life...I went off what I knew to be true. I knew that God was there carrying me through. He was my only strength in the moments of my desert. All I could hope for was that God was using my time in that desert to shape a portion of who I could be in my future. More often than not...I relay back on that moment in my desert where all seemed lost...to keep walking...to see all that had been gained.


I am forever grateful for my time in that desert place...for my heart had been hardened and needed to be softened. My heart had left my own spirit... and was waiting to find me again. All I had was the truth in my hand...knowing that if I held my Masters hand tightly he would see me through. I had no idea that the healing would be found through the person who showed me that feeling the magic could truly be felt here on this earth.

There are many times in life that we walk away from things...that we know that we should not embrace. Then there are those times when life transcends one to another place because they are simply called...leaving and walking away from something that you know to be true. This is a harder place to be. It simply gives one hope in this life...that all the moments in the desert lead to an ultimate calling. It leads a person to where magic can be embraced.

I hope that this desert that I have been walking in for years...would take me back to the place where I felt my spirit sing...

It was the night that a person so humble...gave me a chance to believe....that hope was still true. Which leads me to the ultimate decision...holding on to what I know to be true...which is healing begins when the magic is found.

Flowers and Fairytales

In the happy shaped bubble of life, everyone desires the fairytale ending. Lately, I have been processing in my thoughts what this would like for me. It's really not that complicated. The more my thoughts are processed the more simple it really becomes. The fairytale ending would bring a huge smile to face and the flowers would naturally fall all around, creating a magic that would fill the air-

Tis the time will come when flowers and fairytales will encompass the light of this day-

Magic Dust

Love and magic have a great deal in common. They enrich the soul, delight the heart. And they both take practice.

-unknown

Magic becomes art when it has nothing to hide.

-Ben Okri

Lots of times things happen that are like magical gifts from the sky...it's like the shooting star that you least expect...or the little touch of fate that gives you hope. It's the moments that are magical when all else fades and your left standing with nothing...but the simple feeling that magic was sprinkled upon you. It may take some time to realize what the magic behind the scenes really meant, but none the less it left the heart and soul in state of pure delight. Could magic fall like that again and be the art of fate that leads me to the magic dust?